NEWS FROM THE FRONT. First Blog! Apologizing For Being An Artist
May 3, 2017
News from the front.
So this is my first official blog. I know I’m super late to the party, but hopefully this is the kind of party where there are some stragglers hanging around looking to get lucky and the good stuff hasn’t been pulled out yet… but is about to.
I’m an actor and a musician and as of late a filmmaker so in other words I am an artist. There I said it. That leads to the topic of my first blog…
Apologizing For Being an Artist
Over the last 20 years I’ve had a tumultuous career as an actor. Many ups and downs, lots of rejection and some bright shining moments. Unfortunately the downs have been leading for some time now. When my daughter was born I decided to take a break from being an artist. At the time my acting career was non-existent and the rock/electro band I was in mysteriously disintegrated after recording, in my opinion, a kick ass album. Luckily for me I had a little baby girl to focus on and get me grounded in a way that I hadn’t been before. However, as she grew older I started having this feeling something was missing in my life. I started scratching the itch of the phantom limb again. I wanted to act. I wanted to get back in the ring and throw some serious leather. I had realized that my lack of success before I quit was due to a complacency that I had developed by thinking that I knew it all. Yeah I worked a lot, I worked with Academy Award winners and all sorts of other really talented people but I wasn’t breaking away from the pack and I was bitter. Then the worked stopped. Then things started going wrong in my life. I was feeling fatigued all the time and miserable. Oh yeah and I was broke. I wasn’t making any money. I couldn’t figure it out. Was I cursed? Am I the Notre Dame Football team of the acting world? I didn’t know. Then I started blaming myself for being an artist. Telling myself over and over again that everything that is wrong with my life is due to the fact that my head was in the fucking clouds and I was chasing the dragon of being a successful performing artist. I kept telling myself that I should have paid more attention in school and that I should have pursued a career in a field that was a sure bet. I could’ve had a nice house, car, and all that other bullshit. I could’ve had it all! I started blaming it all on being an actor and what’s worse is that I’VE BEEN APOLOGIZING FOR BEING AN ARTIST! Sorry for fucking everything up everybody it’s because… I’m an artist. Then it got really comfortable to blame everything on being an artist. It was easy. It was my crutch. But now I’m realizing that line of thinking is complete horseshit. I was only focusing on the negative. I was and still am laser locked into the negative aspect of being an artist… but I think I’ve started to pull myself up rope by rope. I’m getting a standing eight count. Being an artist isn’t the problem. The artist part of me is actually my only reliable ally and I’ve been shitting all over him/her/it. So I’ve decided that I’m never apologizing for being an artist ever again. Fuck that. Will everything magically right itself now? Probably not. Hell things might get even worse. Who knows? Who cares? It’s not the artist part of me who is at fault. It’s me. I’ve got work to do.
So there you have it. My first blog . I’ve decided to also add an honor roll of inspiring people and things that are grabbing my attention at the moment so here it goes:
Christopher Volger (Author “The Writers Journey”. This book was designed for writers based on Joseph Campbell’s work “The Hero’s Journey but I found it to an incredible resource for the actor in understanding characters and storytelling.)
- David Lynch (Director/Painter) … just because.
- Rising Lotus Yoga The best yoga studio in the Valley. Operated and owned by my wife and yoga teacher extraordinaire Claire Hartley.
- YES (Progressive Rock Band) Legendary band that finally was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.
- Roxanna Kaye (Actor/Producer) Fearless actress and producer that I have had the pleasure of working with on numerous occasions. Follow our latest film together called Mona & Ferdinand
- Adam Finley (Director/Producer/Actor) Roxanna Kaye’s other half and kick ass producer and director of Mona & Ferdinand.
- Esther Hicks (Author/Medium) Esther Hicks channels the entity Abraham who lays down the foundation for The Law of Attraction. Sounds crazy but it’s fascinating and It’s worked for me.